I had a CT Scan yesterday Feb. 19 in Quesnel. All went smoothly, the weather was wonderful, almost spring like. Sunny and warm for this time of the year and the roads were clear and dry. I put some tunes on and bepopped from here to there as if I was already there. The CT Scan itself is a piece of cake, really. You know what bothers me the most? I have a deep fear of needles which goes back to childhood days and the IV makes me uncomfortable and I tense up tighter than a drum skin. But its over now and I survived.
I have to say that I feel much better today and feel like I have regained control of my emotions. When I met with Jason Boxtart on Monday I was almost totally out of control and it was most comforting to have a sane and sound shoulder to lean on. As with most professionals he is trained to handle people in stress and distress. It came down to this: I am scared, frightened, terrified, you chose what word best suits the terror I am facing.
Its soooo easy to be up beat and positive, its my nature. Equally, its just as easy to be in denial and ignore the realities of this deadly disease and pretend that it is a simple matter of saying I can beat it or I will be cured through the marvels of modern medicine. But that's "BULL SHIT" and we all know it.
I'm terrified and the cures are equally terrifying. So, what to do? First things first. Grab a hold of myself, learn to control the fear with in me. Then learn to respect it and stop denying it and maybe most importantly accept it. In other words, come to grips with the nature of the illness and what it can possibly do to me and recognize that it may kill me and then move on.
More to follow later.
Many of you have told me that you are having problems posting comments. May I suggest you try to post a small comment first. The system is a little bit unfriendly and will not accept anonymous posts so, you have to register with google before you can post a comment. I leave that up to you.
Bye for now,
Lumpy
2 comments:
Hi Uncle Rick,
I was sorry to hear the news of your illness. I too think that positive visualization has got to play a key role. I'll do some for you too :) The little experience I have with it surrounding my little son's health ups and downs is as follows: I have put out into the universe that which I desire - for him to be well. I just keep asking for it, whenever I think of him. I try to banish all thoughts of infection and only see health and strength in his lungs. I'm sure it has made a difference
I'm thinking of you.
Love Stephanie
nice site Rick,
Dave.
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