3:23 AM PDT, May 31, 2008

Yoski,

15 Radiation Sessions gone!!!!!!!!!!! 10 left!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yowzer!!!!!!!!!!!! but, at what price?????????
Yesterday was a day I will try to forget. From the point of view of weather, it was a very pleasant and pleasing day. But what have we been talking about most of these past few days?
You've got your P A I N which is on the B E A M which is knocking the C R A P out of M E and that's the T R U E T H!!!!!!

When setting the levels for all of the meds I am on, Dr. Leong asked me "what was a reasonable level of pain that I can tolerate? Foolish me, I said "5". I did not believe for even a nano second that he was going stick with this measurement but, he did. When Brock and I met with him yesterday afternoon I asked him to change the medication levels. The nurse and the Dietitian were still with us and he agreed.

I have been suffering from "constipation" something that happens when you are on high levels of Codien, then Morphine and now the Fentanyl patch. All of the usual treatments were not working so, last night on his instructions, I took a Senokot supository along with 30 mils of Lactulose. Brock remembered I had a bad reaction to Lactulose when I took it the last time. He suggested I start with 15 mils and within seconds the pain was off all scales and I was suffering full body convulsions. I weathered the storm which lasted about 3 to 5 minutes and as suddenly as it came on it dissapated. The pain was "20" on the scale of 1 to 10. Now before anyone goes running off about Dr. Leong, remember, it was he who had to deal with me when I came in overdosed on Hydromorphone last Tuesday. What's the upside to all of this? I had a movement.

My overall pain has increased and will continue to increase as these Invasive Radiation Treatments go on and that is only "TWO WEEKS AWAY". The key to the management of my pain is the Fentanyl patch and the "break through" drug Hydromorphone.

I am scheduled to have a food tube inserted next Tuesday morning and the very great upside to that is NO MORE SWALLOWING, except for "meds".

I'm sending my love to everyone of my supporters. Now I'm going to have a hole in my tummy.

Rick